1950s Dyke Bar Undercover Detective Simulator

(css: "font-size:400%;line-height:90%")[1950s Dyke Bar Undercover Detective Simulator] [[GO]]

(set: $flirted to true)(if: $butchscore is 2)[[["Nice night," you say.->Femme Flirt]]](else:)[[["Nice night," you say.->Butch Flirt]]]

The joint is a squat brick building with only one feature of note: a pink neon sign over the door that reads //Muffy's.// //Muff is their slang for a woman's genital region.// You know this from your research. These lesbians! Always flaunting their lewdness! You trot up to the door and knock with what you hope is a customary amount of lesbian force. A brass panel slides open, revealing two eyes and two bushy eyebrows. A low, gruff voice demands, [["Who're you?"->Alias]] (set: $flirtscore to 0)(set: $suspicionscore to 0)

You’re a detective. A lady detective. [[But I’m—]]

There’s a bar. Chief wants it shuttered. “Threat to public welfare.” And you know what that means. //[[Inverts!!]]//

That’s right. //[[HOMOSEXUAL CONDUCT!]]//

Mhm. Cold hard lesbianism. You’ll need evidence. Intimate dancing. Cross dressing. Serving alcohol to minors. Can you do it? [[Count on me.->Wardrobe]]

(set: $butchscore to 0)(set: $femmescore to 0)First, let's get you looking the part. What do you wear? [[Trousers, of course.]] [[My ugliest dress.]] [[My sluttiest dress.]]

Perfect! Those gals never know how to dress! You're sure to blend right in. Now what are you gonna do about that hair? What do homosexual women do with their hair? [[Nothing.]] [[Somethin' extra. Real elegant.]] [[Pushed back, real slick-looking.]]

(set: $femmescore += 1)Baiting the trap, eh? They'll love that. Now what are you gonna do about that hair? What do homosexual women do with their hair? [[Nothing.]] [[Somethin' extra. Real elegant.]] [[Pushed back, real slick-looking.]]

Sure, that'll work. Now let's get you [[out there.->Arrival]]

(set: $femmescore += 1)(if: $femmescore is 2)[Getting into character, huh? Genius.] (else:)[Sure, that'll work.] Now let's get you [[out there.->Arrival]]

(set: $butchscore += 1)(if: $butchscore is 2)[Huh. You sure are getting into character, aren't you? Easy there. Don't go getting yourself recruited!] (else:)[Sure, that'll work.] Now let's get you [[out there.->Arrival]]

The woman glances over. Earrings tinkle. You are suddenly furious that no one, //no one//, told you that some lesbians were //exquisitely beautiful//. Surely this should have been explained in the briefing! //None// of the literature said anything about homosexual women having captivating eyes, or smelling like gardenias! //This should have been covered!!// "A little slow for my taste," she croons. "Oh, you like to move fast?" She smirks. "Depends on who's drivin'." Your gut flips. //What next?// [[Time to slip in some of that lingo you've been studying.->Femme Flirt Failure]] or [[Take a risk, make a move!->Femme Flirt Success]]

She glances your way. "A little slow for my taste." Your gut flips? You're suddenly furious that no one, //no one//, told you that some lesbians were //very handsome//. //Surely this should have been covered in the briefing!// None of your research materials warned of knee weakness or burning ears or stomach butterflies, what in the hell is going on here exactly? //This should have been covered!!// Pull yourself together, detective. [[Time to slip in some of that lingo you've been studying.->Butch Flirt Failure]] (if: $femmescore is 2)[or [[Take a risk, make a move!->Butch Flirt Success]]]

(set: $butchscore += 1)Bold. They'll love that. Now what are you gonna do about that hair? What do homosexual women do with their hair? [[Nothing.]] [[Somethin' extra. Real elegant.]] [[Pushed back, real slick-looking.]]

Time to witness some //homosexual activity.// The lesbians glance at you as you approach their booth. "Evening, fellow sisters." They silence their chatter. Okay. "What a happenin' spot for us gals, huh?" They stare. //Kiss. KISS!!// But none of the lesbians are kissing. [[Keep trying!->Booths 2]] (set: $boothvisit to true)(set: $suspicionscore += 1)(set: $flirtscore += 1)

Your pulse quickens as you approach the beaded curtain, concealing what is almost certainly a back room for lascivious dancing. //Surely// some perversity lies beyond!! [[Enter.->Backroom 2]] (set: $backroomvisit to true)(set: $suspicionscore += 1)(set: $flirtscore += 1)

(set: $flirtscore += 1)"My car's right outside, baby." She laughs! Wow. "Easy there, tiger. I barely know you." And she fucking //winks//. You lean in a little closer and you shouldn't say it, you're undercover for chrissake, keep your trap shut, but her face is so close to yours and it just comes tumbling out of you: "What do you wanna know?" [[And then...->Femme Flirt Success 2]]

(set: $suspicionscore += 1)You lean in confidentially and say, "Listen, I'm a homosexual woman looking to get into The Lifestyle. I'm done chasing //jam girls//, you feel me? I need a //fluff// who'll really bring me into the scene. Who here could I talk to about that?" The woman sets down her drink. She faces you and squints. "Hey you sound like a fucking cop. Are you a cop?" Uhhhhhhhh "This is a clean place, alright? Nothing to see here, Johnny Law. Just good people trying to have a nice, quiet time, got it?" She turns away. //"Christ."// [[Well.->Muffy's]]

Now what? (if: $boothvisit is true)[Those lesbians in the booths are staring at you.](else:)[[Cruise past those booths.->Booths]] (if: $backroomvisit is true)[Still no action in the back room.](else:)[[See what's behind that beaded curtain.->Backroom]] (if: $flirted is true)[That person is still at the bar, looking your way.](else:)[[Chat up the stranger next to you at the bar.->Flirt]] (if: $flirtscore is 3)[[Maybe you should get another drink.->Recruited]](else:)[ ](if: $suspicionscore is 3)[[Maybe you should get another drink.->Busted]](else:)[ ]

(set: $flirtscore += 1)"You like to move fast?" She smirks! "Depends on who's drivin'." "If you've got wheels, you can take my anywhere." //Whoa where did that come from.// But she laughs! Wow. "Easy there, gorgeous. I barely know you." And she fucking //winks//. You lean in a little closer and you shouldn't say it, you're undercover for chrissake, keep your trap shut, but her face is so close to yours and it just comes tumbling out of you: "What do you wanna know?" [[And then...->Butch Flirt Success 2]]

(set: $suspicionscore += 1)You lean in confidentially and say, "Listen, I'm a homosexual woman looking to get into The Lifestyle. I'm done chasing //jam girls// who can't satisfy me, you feel? I need a //daddy// who'll really bring me into the scene. Who here could I talk to about that?" The woman sets down her drink. She faces you and squints. "Hey you sound like a fucking cop. Are you a cop?" Uhhhhhhhh "This is a clean place, alright? Nothing to see here, Johnny Law. Just good people trying to have a nice, quiet time." She turns away. //"Christ."// [[Well.->Muffy's]]

"Hey." You feel a hand on your arm before you can order. (if: $butchscore is 2)[[["How about we get out of here?"->Femme Recruited]]](else:)[[["How about we get out of here?"->Butch Recruited]]]

"Another beer." Hey was that little blue light on above the bar before? And the bartender must not have heard you because she hasn't moved, so you ask again. But instead of sliding you another drink she folds her arms over the bar and levels her gaze and says, "Is there a problem?" [[Uhhhh->Busted 2]]

//You're in!// A real live dyke bar before your very eyes, just lousy with lesbians. At least, you're pretty sure these are lesbians—it's very confusing that some of them don't //look// like inverts. (That's all part of their cunning, of course.) You scope the layout: A sticky-looking bar lining the right wall, a row of candelit booths on the left, and a beaded curtain masking a back room. Everywhere, the aroma of cigarettes and booze. //The potential for vice is everywhere!!// You saunter to the bar, homosexually. You nod the bartender over to order a beer. The bartender squints at you. You toss your hair in a way you're certain says, "I prefer the company of women." The bartender squints on. Then she uncaps a beer and slides it your way. [[So far so good.->Muffy's]]

(set: $alias to (prompt: "Tell the man your name"," "))The eyes look you up and down. They glower. A grunt. Then the doorknob twists, the door opens, and you are [[inside]].

"I'm $alias. And you are?" And them one of them snorts? And another one in a tweed suit jacket smirks and says, "Franklin D. Roosevelt." They snicker. //Ugh. Lesbian humor.// These women might be moral degenerates but they could at least be //friendly//! Hmph. Fine. You didn't want to chat anyway. Better [[head back to the bar->Muffy's]].

Ugh! //No one// is dancing! Just two women in the corner cradling mixed drinks having what looks like a tense conversation. They're not even touching. Not one grope. //Useless.// Do lesbians ever do anything other than //talk//? Better [[head back to the bar->Muffy's]].

You talk for an hour about your childhoods, your mothers, how the city's changing, how everybody seems to be going nowhere fast, how these days you wake up certain you're still dreaming, how lately you've stopped recognizing yourself in the mirror, how she was engaged, the look on his face when she returned the ring, how she struck out on her own, how she found Muffy's, the first gal who broke her heart, how she still keeps coming despite the heartbreak, how she still keeps coming despite the raids, how your idea of what happens during a raid isn't how it goes, turns out, not at all, and why did you come here tonight? And what for? You pry yourself from her side to slip into the washroom. You need to clear your head. [[Deep breath.->Muffy's]]

You talk for an hour about your childhoods, your fathers, how the city's changing, how everybody seems to be going nowhere fast, how these days you wake up certain you're still dreaming, how you were engaged, the look on his face when you gave back the ring, the first gal who broke her heart, the night she first saw her at Muffy's, how she still keeps coming despite the heartbreak, how she still keeps coming despite the raids, how your idea of what happens during a raid isn't how it goes, turns out, not at all, and why did you come here tonight? And what for? You pry yourself from her side to slip into the washroom. You need to clear your head. [[Deep breath.->Muffy's]]

The year is 1950. [[Uh.]]

"You're not here to cause problems for my girls, are you?" You glance around the bar. They're all looking at you. The lesbians. //When did it get so quiet in here?// "Because if you're here to sniff out trouble, you won't find any." Their jaws are so set. Manicures like talons. Suit-clad shoulders broader than you are tall. [[Busted.->Busted 3]]

You attempt a grin at the bartender. She doesn't return it. You try again with your companion at the bar. She stares you down. The jukebox is silent. Stares from every corner of the bar. //The lesbians are united.// GET OUTTA THERE GET OUTTA THERE [[GET OUTTA THERE->Bad Ending]]

You flee to your car. The dyke bar is free of you. (css: "font-size:300%")[WE KEEP US SAFE. NO COPS AT PRIDE.] <a href="http://nynf.org/prideweek">Curtain.</a>

You're drowning in the smell of her cologne and her intoxicating lips and how it feels to be held in her suit-clad arms and your nylons are soaked through with rain but you've stopped caring. You don't care who might glimpse you in this alleyway. This is everything you didn't know you wanted. "$alias!" she breathes into your neck. You throw your arms around her shoulders and dive again into the kiss, and again, and again. Your badge tumbles out of your coat pocket and into a puddle. Mud engulfs it. You drive your spike heel into it. //Fuck it!// You're //done// being a pawn of the carceral state! (css: "font-size:300%")[NO COPS AT PRIDE! WE KEEP US SAFE!] <a href="http://nynf.org/prideweek">CURTAIN!</a>

You're drowning in the smell of her perfume and her intoxicating lips and how it feels to hold her in your arms and the hem of your trousers are soaked through with rain but you've stopped caring. You don't care who might glimpse you in this alleyway. This is everything you didn't know you wanted. "$alias!" she breathes into your neck. You fall back against the brick wall, pulling her with you, and you dive into the kiss again, and again, and again. Your badge tumbles out of your coat pocket and into a puddle. Mud engulfs it. You drive your heel into it. //Fuck it!// You're //done// being a pawn of the carceral state! (css: "font-size:300%")[NO COPS AT PRIDE! WE KEEP US SAFE!] <a href="http://nynf.org/prideweek">CURTAIN!</a>